Signing Off...

Murray passed away peacefully at home with Fay by his side on Wednesday June 5 2013.

Thank you Dad for sharing your journey. For inspiring, encouraging, providing us with an example of how to live, and how to face death.

We miss you greatly, enormously. Already. But we are so grateful for the time we had with you. And to know with absolute assurance that you are in a place where there is no more death or mourning or crying or pain. God took you to be with Him. Took you away from pain and suffering, and to eternity, streets of gold and feasts in paradise.

We will treasure forever this record of your journey to reflect, cry and celebrate your life here on earth.

To all of you who have joined dad on this journey, shared his challenges, setbacks and victories, thank you hugely for your constant encouragement and support. 

Thank you so very much.

Much Love,

Gina, Glen, Leanne

A service to celebrate dad's life will be held at Windsor Park Baptist, 550 East Coast Road, Mairangi Bay on Wednesday 12 June at 12pm.

Used by date showing

Those products that show the used by date - just how reliable are they? Thats the dates I mean, not the products. Sometimes I wonder if they bring the date forward by a few days/weeks, knowing theres still plenty of life left, and they are keen to get buyers to discard the old ahead of time, just to get a replacement sold as possible. Or is it a case of genuine concern for the customer, or not wanting to incur any unnecessary class action if anyone gets sick after eating their nosh a day after the expiry date?
Who knows?

Well, I feel a bit the same. My expiry date has come - and gone- and I'm living in that time-warp that tells me that my time is up. its a strange feeling waking up each each day knowing full well that this could be the last day you spend on mother earth. Amidst the routine of checking on pain relief, constant fatigue, juggling the side effects that come with all this, watching what you eat, and when, if you're able to eat at all, watching as the appetite plummets and the food you used to enjoy you suddenly have no taste for - yes, the message is getting through.
Thats why I still enjoy the visits, cards, emails, txts, calls - as tiring as they are they help me keep  my mind off the fact that the 'expiry date' has long gone, and its the routines including my little health supplement regimes that are helping me focus and stay as positive as I can. Even reading, emailing and the VERY limited walks I can do aren't all that stimulating, particularly as most of it is done in a morphine induced haze.

So don't give up on me just yet. And continue to pray, not only for me, but for Fay who is bearing an intolerable burden, being my caregiver in every sense of the word. Between her, my wonderful GP and the hospice, the huge help from friends and family, I am in the best possible hands.
So we can help stretch that expiry date out till its absolute maximum.
And who knows what might happen in the meantime?

Where would we be>

Where would we be without friends and family.? I have this wonderful pic on my screensaver - one showing ALL the family at our end of summer jaunt to Pauanui - all 14 of us, plus 1 to to come in late Sept. our prayer is we'll be around to see this one born, get to hold it, get to see the look of wonder in its eyes, the eyes of mum and dad, keep praying with us this prayer becomes reality.
But even if not, lets thank God for a wonderful journey. we've been given over a year more than we were told at our first diagnosis back in Jan 2011, so thats how we are living it - one day at a time.

So we love getting those texts, those emails,those phone calls, those personal calls which offer so much comfort, support and encouragement. Not to forget those who come around to help us out on a practical level, cleaning cars, doing lawns, leaving meals - you guys are the true 'salt of the earth', and how blessed we are to have you in our lives!

Forgive us if we don't get around to answering all these txts etc, but believe me, they are so all very much appreciated, and as the old song says 'dont get around much anymore', well, we don't! Fay has become my chauffeur now (as well as everything else). We spent a weekend at at Pauanui recently, as our 'farewell trip'  to our home away from home, very precious, very emotional,

Love you guys, so keep hanging in there with us, The cocktail of drugs i'm on is a pretty hard regime, and i can feel its effects daily, but one thing is for sure, I'm  not giving up.Neither should you.

Countdown - to a New World

It was only a few weeks ago we were enjoying the beauty of Pauanui with ALL the family, all 14 of us squashing into tiny bach, and Mike and Ginas even tinier caravan. And since then, a fabulous road rip to Wanaka to deliver a car to some old friends. To be frank that trip was not without its medical challemges! But we enjoyed it, and lapped up the last of a beautiful summer at Pauanui, and all the splendour of autumn
on the way to, and at Wanaka.
Since then, reality has hit home big time. The reality of the lung and bone tumor explosion has taken its its toll on the old body, and pain relief has had to increased to morphine level, and a fairly high level at that. The combined side effects of all the pain relief also has to be controlled, so its a juggling act throughout the day, playing Russian roulette on the drug control dosage. Such fun!

Friends/family have really stepped up which is wonderful, bringing meals, spending time with Fay, Knowing that I'm not the best company right now. Hospice is also involved (that shows you're on the road with the' no exit' sign showing). We'd love to get down to Pauanui one last time, but that could be a couple of weeks away, with the 'to do and to see' list growing by the day..

I'm not even too sure I'll be able to keep this blog going for long - the pain relief drugs do weird things to your head, and concentration levels, writing abilities etc are certainly not what they were. But yes, I'm saying strong to the supplement and ever tweaked diet changes - no point changing back to what was, and besides, I've gotten so used to them its become  part of my regular lifestyle now.

So keep the texts, emails, calls, cards coming - we can't always guarantee you'll get an answer, but we always love and cherish the thought behind them. As I've said often, it can be a lonely fight sometimes, and to get the unexpected encouragement of YOUR message helps the journey, even in these final stages, helps make it just that much more tolerable, that much more bearable.
Almost home - its going to be a GREAT celebration, that much I can promise.

Planning for the Day

There can be no more beautiful, peaceful place in the country to be writing this - in a cafe overlooking lake Wanaka. Perhaps this is where he new heaven and the new earth will be when Christ returns!
Interesting week - picked up Patricks car on Monday, spent 3 days in Hamilton looking after the kids while Mike and Gina attended a conference in Melbourne. Then on to Wellington,(via Fielding, town of my birth 66 years ago) one night in Petone, great trip on the Ferry, even better trip down the Kaikoura coast to Chch, late arr and early departure from our understanding hosts, quick trip to Wanaka via Fairlie, Tekapo and the Lindis Pass. Whew! I get tired now even thinking about it.
All the while controlling as best as possible my supplements, diet, pain killers etc which now includes morphine - yep, I'm on the heavy stuff now, and juggling all the side effects which, while unpleasant, are nothing compared to what i would be going through had i chosen the chemo option.

Delivering a car was not the only reason to come to Wanaka. I wanted to ask Jim, an old and dear friend to take my funeral. Sounds a bit macabre, I know that, but I'm aware that every day now is a gift, and i wanted to have some input, however meager, into the day when people gather to celebrate (i hope!) my all-too short but incredibly blessed life, be it in days, week, months. So its been a cathartic few days as we've laughed, cried, planned, reminisced, and started the 'who does what' funeral list.
No, I'm not throwing in the towel. The fight goes on, and will do so until the very end, But a reality check like this does focus the mind, the heart and the spirit, and has drawn me yet again closer to God, and His amazing love for us and the grace He gives so generously to all those who ask.

More to follow - you'll have plenty of warning before the blogs stop. Continue to hang in there with me, and never think you are taken for granted. You are part of the front line!

800 days

Well, its 810 actually, but 800 makes for a better headline. Yes, 810 days since i was diagnosed with the Big C grade 4 and told I had better get get my affairs in order. Something i still havent done!
Today, April 10 is when the maybes became reality. A hour visit with a no-holds barrred oncologist at Auckland Hospital laid it on the line. I saw the xray of the latest lung scan and it confirmed what i already suspected and had been dreading - massive spread of tumors through both lungs and, judging by the pain in the upper body, obvious spread of the tumors to the  ribs.
The chemo options were carefully laid out and explained in detail, as well as the multiple unpleasant side effects, the 40% at best success rate - success being destroying most of the lung tumors and waiting for the inevitable re-growth, which may occur in other areas as well as the lungs, after which more chemo is not an option. i might even get an extra 6 months or year, but the quality of that time will be rubbish.

That or up the ante on my own personal health program and go for broke on a revolutionary diet and supplement plan that will be challenging, call for incredible sacrifice and discipline, and have no guarantee of success either. But at least i have some degree of control, rather than depending on a regime of non selective chemo.
So its decision time. No time to waste time. Choosing how long to live time. Very melodramatic.
And at the center of any decision I make stands Jesus, the One who ultimately controls our lives and reminds us that He, not us, is making the big calls and reminding us the He ultimately is in control.

We're in for a rough few months, so hang in there with us. It can be a lonely journey, so knowing you're there makes it a little bit more bearable.
Keep the faith

Fundraising for Cancer - where does the money go?

I never fail to be amazed, not to mention impressed, by the number of friends etc who are into cancer fundraising, Shaved heads, bike rides, swim events, book stalls, sausage sizzles - I've heard about, been invited to, asked to contribute to or appear at, so many events it makes my head swim! And thats great. we need to keep the public profile high and educate people about cancer. When you spend time in a children's cancer ward (as I have) and see the brave little souls whose life is often counted in weeks, and see the heartbroken parents coming to terms with their inevitable loss, you begin to understand the need for ongoing research into new, better, safer, more affordable treatments for those  families who are suffering such pain and trauma

Yet I'm troubled by a number of issues when it comes to cancer fundraising. It has grown into a highly sophisticated PR machine, and every type of cancer from breast to prostate to colon (you add to to the list) seem to be competing for funds The Cancer Society has little to do with Canteen, the young peoples fundraiser, and the Child Cancer Foundation is yet a separate body raising funds solely for children. And the money raised, while being well accounted for and strictly audited, is more often than not spent on 'ambulance at the bottom of the cliff' stuff, like better chemotherapy,  new improved radiation technology, more funding for Pharmac, new treatment facilities.
Nothing wrong with any of this!

But surely we have reached the time where, particularly for those 30+ we should be spending some of the money raised on preventing cancer? I know, its not nearly as heart gripping or emotive as seeing a young bald-headed kid on a poster, and the cards are stacked firmly against prevention - who wants to be advised to change the lifestyle and eating habits of a lifetime, especially with our 'cancer only happens to the other guy, never to me' mentality. Other near-epidemic diseases like diabetes have the same problem.
You may think you could never in a million years cut down on or cut out sugar, salt, processed foods, (particularly processed meats) dairy products, excess bread, alcohol, sugary fruit drinks, coffee, fast foods, and replace it with a diet of fresh fruit, veges, particularly green leafy veges, muesli,  fresh fish, berries, certain nuts, green teas and fruit smoothies.
This plus a daily exercise regime and living a less stressful lifestyle would go a long way towards lowering the cancer rates among the adult population, and guess what - you'll feel better, and you'll lose weight!
Hardly a comprehensive 'diet and lifestyle' list, but its a start,

How to 'build the fence at the top of the cliff' without coming on as the food police - ah, thats the rub! But if enough ardent, passionate cancer sufferers could be compelled to tell their story, and share how their cancer experience affected not only them but their wider family, we might be on to something. As Stephen Covey said, habits show our true character, because they show who we really are. Changing takes some doing, but if its a matter of life of death, I guess the change is worth it.

Over to you.

Keep searching

You know the old adage - if you've lost something, you keep searching until you find it. If its not of any real value, you may give up, and live without it. Its of no real consequence anyway.
But what if it is of value?
In fact, what if its a matter of life or death, or at least a quality of life that you miss and want to get back to? That's how I feel - still tormented by the 'whats ifs' in trying to shake off the horrible effects of chemo. Painful feet, stiff and sore joints, fatigue that kicks in at the most embarrassing times. What if there is a way it could be overcome?
Well, I'm trying something new next week. My trips to Whangarei have had a side benefit. i have met a Naturopath (dont laugh) who is convinced he can help, and is prepared to give me a free, no holds barred assessment of my 66 yr old going on 99 body, and offer ways of cleaning out the residual toxins left by the chemotherapy.
So we'll see what happens. Nothing venture, nothing win, as the great man himself said.
Who knows, we might see prayer answered from the most unlikely of sources. But then, thats often the way.
Two landmark birthdays coming up - we look forward to sharing the occasion with family on the weekend.
That'll make 3 birthdays I've celebrated since the cancer news over 2 years ago.
As George Burns eloquently put it -  'if i knew i was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself'
Keep the journey real!

Thats Holmes tonight...

I caught Sir Paul Holmes final interview, so his untimely death today didn't come as a great shock. What it did do was remind me of the frailty of life, and how, try as we might, we'll never be masters of our own destiny. From the top of the broadcasting world one year to a relapse which caused an indecently fast downward spiral, followed by, well, death. It all seems very unfair, very surreal, very wrong.
I hope and pray he managed to 'put his life on the right side of the ledger' as he so eloquently put it and make his peace with God. That decision, at least, we do have control over.

My course of radiation originally planned for early Jan didn't happen - they determined the pain had subsided to a level that it wasn't warranted. But it the past 2 weeks the pain in the side (presumably from the cancer in the bone) has started to kick in again, so I'm going back on Monday for the real deal. A one shot burst of radiation, followed by another if and when required. Because its near the surface they are confident they'll do the business, and the tumor should disappear. No guarantees though that it wont spring to life in some other area! Cancer is like rust, it never sleeps.

Other problems have settled down - the cellulitis in the leg, the shingles - both are pretty well healed, although the lungs are still a cause for concern. New small tumors keep popping up -  a visit to the oncologist next week should confirm the best or worst case scenario.
Life is still a beautiful thing - every day is a bonus. At least, thats what Sir Paul would say. Thats all you people today - thats Murray tonight!

Everything in Perspective

Seems as though I'm not the only ex-Adman to keep a blog. I was privileged to meet up again with Linds Redding, a good Pom I met back in the ad-days at various functions, then again, quite by chance, when i had him as a passenger in my Corporate Cab. It came as something of a shock to learn that he passed away last Oct of, you guessed it, cancer. He was only 52. They published an article he wrote shortly before he died in the latest issue of Marketing magazine (which for my sins I still get).
Quite a telling piece. He finishes by looking back in hindsight, and commenting 'but what I didn't do, with the benefit of perspective, is anything of any lasting importance.'
 Like all admen, he probably enhanced a few companies bottom lines, and made a few wealthy men even wealthier, but discovered too late there's more too life than work, awards, peer plaudits and creating an advertising masterpiece that is tomorrows fish and chip paper.

Leaving a legacy of lasting importance is what everyone dreams about, but depressingly few achieve. Some do it through their vocation, but not many. Some busy themselves in service clubs, sports clubs, politics, charities and accountability groups, with all the right motives, hoping to make the world a better place.
And almost everyone uses their family as a yardstick, knowing that for better or worse they are being judged on how their kids turn out, and whether their relationships pass the community approval test.
All worthy goals in themselves. But if there's one thing I've learnt through the school of hard knocks, its that you need to have a purpose for living,  something greater than yourself. That often means getting out of your comfort zone, doing something that scares you a little, something you may not  get any reward or recognition for. People, even friends, might even think you're a bit weird. After all, non conformity is only cool when it focuses on you, not on someone else, or some Big Picture that most people cant see or grasp.

I guess if you think this world is all there is, and there is nothing beyond the grave, then anything of lasting importance is not all that big a deal. I mean, whats the point, right? But if you view this life as just a precursor, a waiting room for eternal life to come, with a Loving God who will 'make all things new' then suddenly what we do in this life takes on a whole new meaning. Our lives fast forward to the 'then' rather than the 'now', and its living in that mode that gives our lives purpose and relevance.
I hope Linds  found that out before his untimely demise. For some of us, the 'then' is looming quicker than we might like!

Next round of radiation starts on Tuesday - not sure yet how many, or how far apart, but I'll keep you posted. The journey continues - its great to have you walking with me, and others, as we press on. Lets all keep our hearts and minds fixed on the Big Picture!

Dixon's Christmas Newsletter 2012

Every year at Christmas for over 20 years we've done a newsletter, ostensibly to keep folk up with the play on what the family has been up to. This began as a bit of a novelty, but with the cost of postage, and the number of people who got to 'expect' the newsletter growing every year, its now replaced the Christmas Card as our main method of information. Every year has been different, and its been exciting, not to mention a bit nostalgic, to look over old newsletters and see what trivia and travels we've bored you with over the years, but also the journey our children (now all well and truly grown up!) have taken and how the grandchildren are now our focus.
Some years are better than others, and this year has been particularly challenging, for reasons you are all well aware of. But through all the pain and the heartache and joy (yes, there have been times of joy) I am humbled, and very blessed to have had the unstinting support and love of Fay, family and a wide circle of friends who have stood by me and shown the real meaning of 'walking in my shoes'
.So thanks to you all, and may you know the peace of God in your lives as you look forward to a great Christmas with your families, and to a 2013 full of promise and opportunity.
Life is precious -don't waste a day of it!

Click on newsletter image to enlarge

Watch out...

The King wanted only the best for his loyal subjects, but even He knew He could not keep them safe all the time. The Dark Prince had another agenda - to destroy, humiliate, and ulimately get people to leave the Kingdom so they would be under his power.
'Look at this Loyal Subject' he said to the King 'Why wouldn't he worship you and call you Lord? You protect him, show favour to him and his family, and despite his cancer, continue to bless him.
Give me free reign with him for a while, then we will see how strong his faith is, and how loyal he stays to you'.
Beacuse the Dark Prince still had power and ruled a large kingdom he kept enslaved for his own purposes, the King reluctantly agreed. But He knew His presence would always be with the loyal subject.

The Dark Prince didnt waste any time. He knew the after effects of the chemo the loyal subject had been suffering from were meant to lessen over time, but he ensured they didnt. In fact, he made sure they got more pronounced and more annoying with every passing day.
He was frustrated that the loyal subject was still taking his supplements and sticking to a relatively healthy diet. I was so much easier if people abused themselves with unhealty eating. He had to work on this.

Ah, whats this? The loyal subject had his portocath removed! That means he thinks he needs no more intravenous chemotherapy, or is prepared to use alternative cures if the need arose. Great! Lets enlarge the tumors in the lungs, not much, but enough to put doubt into his mind. Beautifully ironic, smiled the Dark Prince, considering the loyal subject had never smoked in his life~!

That pain in his side - he thinks its only muscular, caused by too much time on the rowing machine, but it could be so much more. Maybe the cancer can apread to the bone, and cause further distress. Oh, this is so much fun, particularlty as the King has chosen not to interfere! That will call for a bone scan, another inconvenience, another hospital visit, another few weeks of waiting and wondering.

Now for really sensitive part - those warts and growths in the groin. The radiation he had last year has meant they can't easily be operated on - theres not enough 'good skin' down there and skin transplants will be needed. Unless, of course he decides to go for the 'ointment' option, and we all know how long that takes, and how painful it is when it reacts to the other tender skin. Great, chuckled the Dark Prince - every guys worst nightmare!

The Dark Prince sensed the loyal subject no longer had the Kings favour - he was getting more depressed, more stressed, more concerned for his and his families well-being. Lets see, hes always prided himself on his fitness, although that is something of a joke, considering what he's been through the last 2 years. Ah, I know - a poison knee! A really painful one, one that calls for yet another hospital visit, massive does of IV antibiotics and painkillers, and causes the leg to swell and look gross. One that makes exercise impossible for weeks, maybe months. And so it came to pass.

Now that his immune system is severly compromised, thought the Dark Prince, its only fitting he gets a painful  - and visual - reminder of what can happen when disease takes its toll. I'll give him a nasty case of shingles, all down one side of his body, and just for good measure, cause the same virus to spread to his mouth, with a case of full-blown mouth ulcers.

He left the loyal subject in a state of despair and bewilderment, and visited the King. When he told the King what he had done, the King told him he already knew, as the loyal subject had been in touch with him every day, letting him know what happened, and pleading with the King not to leave him, crying out for his healing.
The Dark Prince was not happy! 'Why would he continue to ask for your mercy when he knows you gave me free reign to do whatever I wanted with him, save taking his life?'
'Because' said the King 'He knows your power is limited to what I allow, and he knows that ultimately I want the best for him, whereas you only want his destruction. You may destroy his body, but his spirtit is always mine, and always will be,'

The King, with tears in his eyes, approached the loyal subject, and reached out his hand. The loyal subject, beaten, despairing and broken reached out his hand, not understanding, but believing. The King had not left him after all. And never will.

One small step...

After 17 months of carrying it around, 10 months after it as last used, i've finally done it!
Done what? Had my port-o cath removed. Thats the 'plug' that they surgically implant to make it easier to feed the intravenous chemo into. That doesnt mean no more chemo, ever. But it does mean that I'm highly unlikely to have it, given the hassle (not to mention the expense) of having it put back in again.
So thats another step along the journey, one small step perhaps, but significant when you know the battle is still being fought, and is far from over.
Other 'complications' have settled down, although I am due to go in for an xray or scan on my side ribs which have been causing me some dscomfort. Sooner rather than later I hope, so I can tick that box as well.
Still feeling OK, but VERY drowsy after the mini surgery this morning, so its a taking it easy day today.
Thanks, as always for your continued prayer and support - you'll never really know how much I appreciate it.
And, on a positive note, as I sit in this cafe looking over a piece of North Shore paradise, with a cloudless blue sky and stunning beach in the background, we know we are very blessed. As always.

Moving on...

Xrays are funny things, arent they? My last one (last week) showed that one of the tumors in the lungs had increased in size, following on from the last increase, and yet I feel ok. No noticeable cough, no shortness of breath, no huffing and puffing when I walk or climb stairs. So the oncologist is prepared to 'watch and wait' and see what happens. As am I!
Next week i get my portocath removed. Thats the 'plug' they put in your chest to pump the chemo into, and it hasnt been used since Jan this year! So after nearly 17 months, its coming out. The oncologist, I suspect, would rather it stay in - just in case I need more chemo down the track.
Well, thats not going to happen. Most of my ongoing side effects are chemo related, and even though I don't regret having it, enough is enough, and I'd rather enjoy what time I have left than suffer through more insidious (and guaranteed!) side effects for the sake of a few more years - perhaps.
So thats it, lets see what happend from here. The 'new improved' diet and the wonderful (very expensive) supplements are doing their job, and we'll keep on keeping on.
Since having been diagnosed with cancer, i've been blessed to be the poppa of two more grandchildren (6 now!) so every day is a bonus.
Every day is filled with new promises, new possibilitiues and the chance to make a difference - so lets live them to the max!

No surgery...yet?

I really wasnt looking forward to this one. A visit to a knife-happy surgeon who thought he should remove the chemo-induced growths in unmentionable places of my deliacte anatomy.
Just when I thoiught I had claimed  a bit of dignity back, the 'pre surgery ' procedure just reinforced that cancer patients, no matter who they are, are stripped of any dignity at all. The discomfort was there tro remind us that its not over till its over, as they say.
after a few Hmmms and Ahhhs, which seemed to take forever. he (thank goodness it was a he!) gave me the options.Surgery is possible, but the radiation of last year has left the surrounding tissue pretty well irrepairable, and it may take months of repeat visits for skin grafts, and removing fresh growths (they cant guarantee trhey'll get them  all!).
the other alternative is using a very powerful medication, which stings like crazy, works in most cases, and is not funded by Pharmac, and its horrendously expensive!
He's exporing avenues where funding MIGHT apply, and Ihe seems to think I have a good chance at it, but no guarantees!
So there we go - 4 months application of stuff i'm going to have to be a contortionist to apply, and guaranteed pain at every application (which he said, grinning, that you do get used to. Thanks for nothing!
So it looks asthough i'll be doing a lot more standing, lot less sitting from here on in!

No one said the journey would be easy, or short, but despite all the downsides, I'm not walking it alone.
That continues to give me hope. And hope is what helps us face the future, with al the possibilities and challenges that very new day brings. Great, huh?

A different kind of cancer

You don't know Max. I've been visiting Max for nearly a year now. Once a month, sometimes more often, certainly in the past few weeks. Max contacted us -  he was about to be paroled from Paremoremo, and he was looking for someone, ideally from a church. to connect with to help him when he 'left the pen'. You see, he didn't want to go back to his old haunts, get in with the old crowd, because he knew that would only end one way - back to prison. He didn't want that.
So I called in to see him, a number of times. Went to the inmates 'family days' and witnessed the sad sight of the dysfunctional trying to help the criminal. Went to the parole hearings, where overworked and often disinterested judges ticked the boxes, or, in one case, were downright hostile. But most of all, I listened to Max's story. Depressingly familiar. Son of a low socio family in heartland NZ, alcoholic father who was rarely there, and when he was, made life hell for the family. A mum who drifted from man to man, all of them leeches who certainly didn't want her kids around. Max dropped out of school, got in with the wrong crowd (surprise, surprise) and became a victim of the most common, most available, socially acceptable drug - alcohol.
For 8 years, from the age of 19, he was in and out out prison for a variety of low level convictions. Burglary, car conversion, receiving - you name it. Then one night, after a bender and totally drunk, he sexually assaulted a young girl. It was admittedly low-level, but in the eyes of the law, serious enough for a 4 year sentence.
During his time in prison, Max had time to relfect on his life, and, with the help of some excellent counsellors
made some hard calls. He was going to give up drinking (for good), he was not going back to his 'old crowd' and he desperately wanted a second chance to redeem himself and become in his words, someone who 'earned respect, man'.
So he made a brave call. He contacted a church in the area, Our church. I picked it up by default, and began to visit him. What a combo! A senior, middle class white guy who seen most of his best days (and making the most of the days he has!) and a nervous 30 year old going on 19, severely lacking in social skills, yet yearning for someone to reach out and help. I was struck with his positive attitude, his naive enthusiasm, and his willingness to let others into his life who could make a positive contribution. He showed hidden talents - his building skill and home mechanics were well above average, and he was breaking out of his skin to get a job, work hard and make an honest days living.

Max was paroled in early August. Hes now living in the city, close to every temptation you could possible imagine. His parole officer has already changed 3 times - they're typically overworked and only interested in ticking the boxes (or as Max would say, covering their butts). Max has had visits, and has been to visit, members of the family, but is aware of the gulf that now exits between his old life, and what he wants his life to be. We're trying hard to find him a new place to live, find him a job, integrate him with people who care, rather than those who will take advantage of him, and lead him back into the comfort of what he was familiar with. Hes even had the courage to go to a local city church, where he really enjoyed the music and 'felt good' - hes quite a dab hand on the guitar as well! But very few folk talked to him, or made him feel welcome.

All he wants is people to give him a hand up, not a hand out. Guys who will give him a call, take him out for a meal, a coffee, a chat. Maybe a drive around the city. Some advice on budgetting, planning for the future. Guys he can depend on. There are no brownie points here, no gold stars, no thanks from the authorities. Indeed, people may even wonder what on earth you're doing. helping a low-life like that.
 Its called second chances, and everyone deserves one.
Even Max. Especially Max.
Churches are great at mission statements, prayer meetings and worship. But when it comes to walking the walk, sometimes we're seriously found wanting. Things that extend us, take us out of our comfort zone, call for a commitment of our time (and money) we dismiss and, like the Levite, cross to the other side of the road. Its not our business!
Well, actually it is. Matthew 25, v35-40 reminds us of that.  I'd love your help.And Max would REALLY love your friendship. You don't need a counselling or theological degree. Just a heart, and the ability to listen. And guess what? You'll be blessed as well, knowing youre making a difference.

(Max is not his real name - I've change it to preserve his privacy.)

Opportunites.

Last week - another xray, scan  and a steady as she goes result. they detected slight (very slight) increases in the tumors in the lungs, although i personally didnt spot them (but then, i'm just the patient!)
While this is not the result i wanted, the oncologist wasn't perturbed, and was more interested in how i feel, and how I'm coping. To be frank, it hadnt' been the best week, but he was very happy with progress, although he did mention the 'c' word again as being a possibility in the future. Not if i can help it!
So the next appointment is now not till early November!! Great news!
I'll let you know when.

Tomorrow i see two cancer patients. No names at this stage to repect their privacy. One has been referred by the Listener as a result of the article that appeared a couple of weeks ago on Food and Cancer. Jenny Bowden did a great job with the article, and the photographer was very flattering with the photo! (so i've been told!)
The guy is a grade 3 cancer patient, and is very nervous about upcoming treatment, so i'll be happy to give him a few pointers.
Another woman has been referred by Dave, my contact for Salvestrol, and she has a grade 4 cancer very similar to what i have. Scary close! So I've arranged to meet her and her husband and tell her about my 'journey' and put her mind at rest, and give her all the options that she won't hear from her oncologist.
All pro bono of course! Hardly helps put food on the table, but if we can help save or prolong a life, that is sufficient reward.
Life keeps going, busy as ever with Hornsnoggle Ferret, granchildren, household chores, exercise (all too little) and a myriad of church stuff which I wont bore you with. So our journey continues. You're a part of it, so keep asking, keep healthy, keep active, keep praying. Who s it that said 'you can complain about the rainclouds in your life, or you can dance in the puddles' Over to you.

What the Listener DIDN'T say...

The Listener issue 1 Sept (with special thanks to Jenny Bowden) ran an article on Fighting cancer with Food.
Great article (but then I have a vested interest!), but what was left unsaid is probably just as important as what was said. Jenny was right - and she had the stats from the various cancer research groups to back her up- the right diet can make a real difference both in the prevention and the fighting of cancer. But its not the whole story. After what I've experienced, you need more than just a good, healthy diet. The 'extras' like lemon, lemongrass tea, fruit and veg juice drinks, are important, The supplements I take, the MAX range and Salvestrols, have played a huge role in fighting the effects of the chemo while helping build up the immune system - vitally important if you are undergoing medical cancer treatment.
Then there is exercise. Yes, it was mentiuoned, but not highlighted, and the importance of regular daily 30-40 minute strenuous exercise cannot be over-rated (mind you, that applies even if you are in good health).
The right attitude? Does that help? Absolutely. Not easy when you're having those 'dark days' following treatment, and when the effects of the chemo and radiation begin to kick in. But its by keeping doing what you do, maintaining a schedule and accomplishing tasks, no matter how small, that give you a sense of purpose and give you a reason to keep going.
Then there's prayer. Its amazing how even non-believers turn to prayer when they're fighting cancer. Maybe the old saying is true - there are no atheists in foxholes.
As a Christian, I cannot even begin to tell you what a comfiort and blessing it has been to have a God to turn to that I know hears and answers prayer, and as important, to have friends and family praying for me. It helps strengthens their faith, it gives me hope and peace i would not have otherwise, and it helps us look beyond ourselves and see a bigger picture, a higher purpose. After all, life isn't all about us.
So thanks, Listener. I wish the whole story could have been told, but hey, its a start, and for that I am grateful. Lets keep on fighting the good fight together.

THE LONGEST EVENT...

What a great Olympics! When the dust has settled we can look back on our Kiwi team with a great deal of pride. As we reflect on the 13 medals, 5 of them gold, plus all the joy of the medal winners, the heartbreak of those who came so close, the satisfaction of the PBs achieved, consider the monumental effort that every one of the team put into their training, preparation, and the burning desire they had to achieve victory. No overnight success stories here, just a result of hard graft, years of committment and hanging tough when they must have wondered if it was all worth the effort.
So what sport takes out the endurance medal.? What event takes the longest to compete at the games and the most time? The answer might surprise you. Yachting. Yep, it took Ben Ainslie (and our own super golden girls!) 6 days on the water, and up to 11 hours of competition to win their event. Not everything went to plan every day. Some days were disastrous, but most were pretty good. Some days they won, but not every day. It was consistency and sticking to the plan and believing in themselves that brought them the final victory.

I feel a bit like that with the cancer sometimes. Good days, mediocre days, some entirely forgettable days. But by ignoring the frustration and hangover of the effects of the chemo (even after 8 months!)  my 'longest event' is made tolerable because I know, in the end, I'll finish the race. and when you have cancer, anyone who finishes the race is a victor in my book. It will take a while - years in fact - but by sticking to the plan, refining our 'training programme' and hanging tough even when it all seems too much, we'll make it.
So dont just be a bored spectator, be an active supporter - not just of me, but of anyone going through challenging or life changing health problems. You'll be blessed, and the person you encourage/pray for/help  will be equally blessed.
Their victory will take longer than 6 days, or 11 hours of competition, but with you on their team, victory will be all the sweeter, and the medal belongs to us all. After all, anything worthwhile in life ios only achieved through a little hard graft.
Off to Oz this week, then back into Christmas Hornsbnoggle Ferret mode. He's been a great distraction!

Thanks no 3...

Crouch, touch, pause...no, its not a tedious scrum, just where i am now after the latest xray result. A state of pause, wait, hold - i'll know when to 'engage' after my next visit to the oncologist early Sept. So no major changes, no increases, no reductions, just same old same old - so i'm thankful for that! Quite happy to stay on 'pause' for the time being!

The friends i need to thanks are too numreous to mention, but lets make a start. The Home Group from my old church at Long Bay, who have beena source of knowledge and inspiration. Being with these folk remind you of what heaven will be like when we finally get there. My current Home Group at Shore, hanging in there with me faithfully month after month, through good times and bad.
The pastoral team and elders, past and present, at Shore CC, who never fail to pray for me despite the numerous other people and duties they have to contend with. Thomas Chin and Jim Davis, the two 'supplement geniuses' without whose help and guidance i wouldn't have made it thus far.

Fellow sufferers Glen Lawton and Des Jack for their phone calls and encouragement. Friends like Trish Williams, Mike Pinkney, John Russell, Ted Owens, Allan Macgregor, David Auld, John Stringer, Judy and John Burton, the Macleods, Viv Laurie, Jim and Lois Patrick, Brian Carr, (plus many others who I will no doubt remember as soon as I publish this post!) who are a constant source of support and encouragement.
Our Tuesday am MM group who keep me focused, grounded in reality  and accountable.
 A special mention to Frank who was a a huge help in my earlier 'coming to terms with cancer ' days, who has since passsed away with cancer. Theres a dark irony in there somewhere!

You cant have cancer and be an island. Its just not possible. You either need help, or you  need to be there to give help. Its what keeps you grounded, gives you meaning, and helps you look for the silver lining, even on the darkest of days.
Probably a lot more folk on the thank list - but thats a start. We'll dig deeper into the memories of the past 18 months and come up with more before the next blog.
Till then, keep smiling. keep praying, and live every day to the max. I'm not out of tne woods, but then, neither are you.