Dixon's Christmas Newsletter 2012

Every year at Christmas for over 20 years we've done a newsletter, ostensibly to keep folk up with the play on what the family has been up to. This began as a bit of a novelty, but with the cost of postage, and the number of people who got to 'expect' the newsletter growing every year, its now replaced the Christmas Card as our main method of information. Every year has been different, and its been exciting, not to mention a bit nostalgic, to look over old newsletters and see what trivia and travels we've bored you with over the years, but also the journey our children (now all well and truly grown up!) have taken and how the grandchildren are now our focus.
Some years are better than others, and this year has been particularly challenging, for reasons you are all well aware of. But through all the pain and the heartache and joy (yes, there have been times of joy) I am humbled, and very blessed to have had the unstinting support and love of Fay, family and a wide circle of friends who have stood by me and shown the real meaning of 'walking in my shoes'
.So thanks to you all, and may you know the peace of God in your lives as you look forward to a great Christmas with your families, and to a 2013 full of promise and opportunity.
Life is precious -don't waste a day of it!

Click on newsletter image to enlarge

Watch out...

The King wanted only the best for his loyal subjects, but even He knew He could not keep them safe all the time. The Dark Prince had another agenda - to destroy, humiliate, and ulimately get people to leave the Kingdom so they would be under his power.
'Look at this Loyal Subject' he said to the King 'Why wouldn't he worship you and call you Lord? You protect him, show favour to him and his family, and despite his cancer, continue to bless him.
Give me free reign with him for a while, then we will see how strong his faith is, and how loyal he stays to you'.
Beacuse the Dark Prince still had power and ruled a large kingdom he kept enslaved for his own purposes, the King reluctantly agreed. But He knew His presence would always be with the loyal subject.

The Dark Prince didnt waste any time. He knew the after effects of the chemo the loyal subject had been suffering from were meant to lessen over time, but he ensured they didnt. In fact, he made sure they got more pronounced and more annoying with every passing day.
He was frustrated that the loyal subject was still taking his supplements and sticking to a relatively healthy diet. I was so much easier if people abused themselves with unhealty eating. He had to work on this.

Ah, whats this? The loyal subject had his portocath removed! That means he thinks he needs no more intravenous chemotherapy, or is prepared to use alternative cures if the need arose. Great! Lets enlarge the tumors in the lungs, not much, but enough to put doubt into his mind. Beautifully ironic, smiled the Dark Prince, considering the loyal subject had never smoked in his life~!

That pain in his side - he thinks its only muscular, caused by too much time on the rowing machine, but it could be so much more. Maybe the cancer can apread to the bone, and cause further distress. Oh, this is so much fun, particularlty as the King has chosen not to interfere! That will call for a bone scan, another inconvenience, another hospital visit, another few weeks of waiting and wondering.

Now for really sensitive part - those warts and growths in the groin. The radiation he had last year has meant they can't easily be operated on - theres not enough 'good skin' down there and skin transplants will be needed. Unless, of course he decides to go for the 'ointment' option, and we all know how long that takes, and how painful it is when it reacts to the other tender skin. Great, chuckled the Dark Prince - every guys worst nightmare!

The Dark Prince sensed the loyal subject no longer had the Kings favour - he was getting more depressed, more stressed, more concerned for his and his families well-being. Lets see, hes always prided himself on his fitness, although that is something of a joke, considering what he's been through the last 2 years. Ah, I know - a poison knee! A really painful one, one that calls for yet another hospital visit, massive does of IV antibiotics and painkillers, and causes the leg to swell and look gross. One that makes exercise impossible for weeks, maybe months. And so it came to pass.

Now that his immune system is severly compromised, thought the Dark Prince, its only fitting he gets a painful  - and visual - reminder of what can happen when disease takes its toll. I'll give him a nasty case of shingles, all down one side of his body, and just for good measure, cause the same virus to spread to his mouth, with a case of full-blown mouth ulcers.

He left the loyal subject in a state of despair and bewilderment, and visited the King. When he told the King what he had done, the King told him he already knew, as the loyal subject had been in touch with him every day, letting him know what happened, and pleading with the King not to leave him, crying out for his healing.
The Dark Prince was not happy! 'Why would he continue to ask for your mercy when he knows you gave me free reign to do whatever I wanted with him, save taking his life?'
'Because' said the King 'He knows your power is limited to what I allow, and he knows that ultimately I want the best for him, whereas you only want his destruction. You may destroy his body, but his spirtit is always mine, and always will be,'

The King, with tears in his eyes, approached the loyal subject, and reached out his hand. The loyal subject, beaten, despairing and broken reached out his hand, not understanding, but believing. The King had not left him after all. And never will.

One small step...

After 17 months of carrying it around, 10 months after it as last used, i've finally done it!
Done what? Had my port-o cath removed. Thats the 'plug' that they surgically implant to make it easier to feed the intravenous chemo into. That doesnt mean no more chemo, ever. But it does mean that I'm highly unlikely to have it, given the hassle (not to mention the expense) of having it put back in again.
So thats another step along the journey, one small step perhaps, but significant when you know the battle is still being fought, and is far from over.
Other 'complications' have settled down, although I am due to go in for an xray or scan on my side ribs which have been causing me some dscomfort. Sooner rather than later I hope, so I can tick that box as well.
Still feeling OK, but VERY drowsy after the mini surgery this morning, so its a taking it easy day today.
Thanks, as always for your continued prayer and support - you'll never really know how much I appreciate it.
And, on a positive note, as I sit in this cafe looking over a piece of North Shore paradise, with a cloudless blue sky and stunning beach in the background, we know we are very blessed. As always.

Moving on...

Xrays are funny things, arent they? My last one (last week) showed that one of the tumors in the lungs had increased in size, following on from the last increase, and yet I feel ok. No noticeable cough, no shortness of breath, no huffing and puffing when I walk or climb stairs. So the oncologist is prepared to 'watch and wait' and see what happens. As am I!
Next week i get my portocath removed. Thats the 'plug' they put in your chest to pump the chemo into, and it hasnt been used since Jan this year! So after nearly 17 months, its coming out. The oncologist, I suspect, would rather it stay in - just in case I need more chemo down the track.
Well, thats not going to happen. Most of my ongoing side effects are chemo related, and even though I don't regret having it, enough is enough, and I'd rather enjoy what time I have left than suffer through more insidious (and guaranteed!) side effects for the sake of a few more years - perhaps.
So thats it, lets see what happend from here. The 'new improved' diet and the wonderful (very expensive) supplements are doing their job, and we'll keep on keeping on.
Since having been diagnosed with cancer, i've been blessed to be the poppa of two more grandchildren (6 now!) so every day is a bonus.
Every day is filled with new promises, new possibilitiues and the chance to make a difference - so lets live them to the max!

No surgery...yet?

I really wasnt looking forward to this one. A visit to a knife-happy surgeon who thought he should remove the chemo-induced growths in unmentionable places of my deliacte anatomy.
Just when I thoiught I had claimed  a bit of dignity back, the 'pre surgery ' procedure just reinforced that cancer patients, no matter who they are, are stripped of any dignity at all. The discomfort was there tro remind us that its not over till its over, as they say.
after a few Hmmms and Ahhhs, which seemed to take forever. he (thank goodness it was a he!) gave me the options.Surgery is possible, but the radiation of last year has left the surrounding tissue pretty well irrepairable, and it may take months of repeat visits for skin grafts, and removing fresh growths (they cant guarantee trhey'll get them  all!).
the other alternative is using a very powerful medication, which stings like crazy, works in most cases, and is not funded by Pharmac, and its horrendously expensive!
He's exporing avenues where funding MIGHT apply, and Ihe seems to think I have a good chance at it, but no guarantees!
So there we go - 4 months application of stuff i'm going to have to be a contortionist to apply, and guaranteed pain at every application (which he said, grinning, that you do get used to. Thanks for nothing!
So it looks asthough i'll be doing a lot more standing, lot less sitting from here on in!

No one said the journey would be easy, or short, but despite all the downsides, I'm not walking it alone.
That continues to give me hope. And hope is what helps us face the future, with al the possibilities and challenges that very new day brings. Great, huh?

A different kind of cancer

You don't know Max. I've been visiting Max for nearly a year now. Once a month, sometimes more often, certainly in the past few weeks. Max contacted us -  he was about to be paroled from Paremoremo, and he was looking for someone, ideally from a church. to connect with to help him when he 'left the pen'. You see, he didn't want to go back to his old haunts, get in with the old crowd, because he knew that would only end one way - back to prison. He didn't want that.
So I called in to see him, a number of times. Went to the inmates 'family days' and witnessed the sad sight of the dysfunctional trying to help the criminal. Went to the parole hearings, where overworked and often disinterested judges ticked the boxes, or, in one case, were downright hostile. But most of all, I listened to Max's story. Depressingly familiar. Son of a low socio family in heartland NZ, alcoholic father who was rarely there, and when he was, made life hell for the family. A mum who drifted from man to man, all of them leeches who certainly didn't want her kids around. Max dropped out of school, got in with the wrong crowd (surprise, surprise) and became a victim of the most common, most available, socially acceptable drug - alcohol.
For 8 years, from the age of 19, he was in and out out prison for a variety of low level convictions. Burglary, car conversion, receiving - you name it. Then one night, after a bender and totally drunk, he sexually assaulted a young girl. It was admittedly low-level, but in the eyes of the law, serious enough for a 4 year sentence.
During his time in prison, Max had time to relfect on his life, and, with the help of some excellent counsellors
made some hard calls. He was going to give up drinking (for good), he was not going back to his 'old crowd' and he desperately wanted a second chance to redeem himself and become in his words, someone who 'earned respect, man'.
So he made a brave call. He contacted a church in the area, Our church. I picked it up by default, and began to visit him. What a combo! A senior, middle class white guy who seen most of his best days (and making the most of the days he has!) and a nervous 30 year old going on 19, severely lacking in social skills, yet yearning for someone to reach out and help. I was struck with his positive attitude, his naive enthusiasm, and his willingness to let others into his life who could make a positive contribution. He showed hidden talents - his building skill and home mechanics were well above average, and he was breaking out of his skin to get a job, work hard and make an honest days living.

Max was paroled in early August. Hes now living in the city, close to every temptation you could possible imagine. His parole officer has already changed 3 times - they're typically overworked and only interested in ticking the boxes (or as Max would say, covering their butts). Max has had visits, and has been to visit, members of the family, but is aware of the gulf that now exits between his old life, and what he wants his life to be. We're trying hard to find him a new place to live, find him a job, integrate him with people who care, rather than those who will take advantage of him, and lead him back into the comfort of what he was familiar with. Hes even had the courage to go to a local city church, where he really enjoyed the music and 'felt good' - hes quite a dab hand on the guitar as well! But very few folk talked to him, or made him feel welcome.

All he wants is people to give him a hand up, not a hand out. Guys who will give him a call, take him out for a meal, a coffee, a chat. Maybe a drive around the city. Some advice on budgetting, planning for the future. Guys he can depend on. There are no brownie points here, no gold stars, no thanks from the authorities. Indeed, people may even wonder what on earth you're doing. helping a low-life like that.
 Its called second chances, and everyone deserves one.
Even Max. Especially Max.
Churches are great at mission statements, prayer meetings and worship. But when it comes to walking the walk, sometimes we're seriously found wanting. Things that extend us, take us out of our comfort zone, call for a commitment of our time (and money) we dismiss and, like the Levite, cross to the other side of the road. Its not our business!
Well, actually it is. Matthew 25, v35-40 reminds us of that.  I'd love your help.And Max would REALLY love your friendship. You don't need a counselling or theological degree. Just a heart, and the ability to listen. And guess what? You'll be blessed as well, knowing youre making a difference.

(Max is not his real name - I've change it to preserve his privacy.)

Opportunites.

Last week - another xray, scan  and a steady as she goes result. they detected slight (very slight) increases in the tumors in the lungs, although i personally didnt spot them (but then, i'm just the patient!)
While this is not the result i wanted, the oncologist wasn't perturbed, and was more interested in how i feel, and how I'm coping. To be frank, it hadnt' been the best week, but he was very happy with progress, although he did mention the 'c' word again as being a possibility in the future. Not if i can help it!
So the next appointment is now not till early November!! Great news!
I'll let you know when.

Tomorrow i see two cancer patients. No names at this stage to repect their privacy. One has been referred by the Listener as a result of the article that appeared a couple of weeks ago on Food and Cancer. Jenny Bowden did a great job with the article, and the photographer was very flattering with the photo! (so i've been told!)
The guy is a grade 3 cancer patient, and is very nervous about upcoming treatment, so i'll be happy to give him a few pointers.
Another woman has been referred by Dave, my contact for Salvestrol, and she has a grade 4 cancer very similar to what i have. Scary close! So I've arranged to meet her and her husband and tell her about my 'journey' and put her mind at rest, and give her all the options that she won't hear from her oncologist.
All pro bono of course! Hardly helps put food on the table, but if we can help save or prolong a life, that is sufficient reward.
Life keeps going, busy as ever with Hornsnoggle Ferret, granchildren, household chores, exercise (all too little) and a myriad of church stuff which I wont bore you with. So our journey continues. You're a part of it, so keep asking, keep healthy, keep active, keep praying. Who s it that said 'you can complain about the rainclouds in your life, or you can dance in the puddles' Over to you.

What the Listener DIDN'T say...

The Listener issue 1 Sept (with special thanks to Jenny Bowden) ran an article on Fighting cancer with Food.
Great article (but then I have a vested interest!), but what was left unsaid is probably just as important as what was said. Jenny was right - and she had the stats from the various cancer research groups to back her up- the right diet can make a real difference both in the prevention and the fighting of cancer. But its not the whole story. After what I've experienced, you need more than just a good, healthy diet. The 'extras' like lemon, lemongrass tea, fruit and veg juice drinks, are important, The supplements I take, the MAX range and Salvestrols, have played a huge role in fighting the effects of the chemo while helping build up the immune system - vitally important if you are undergoing medical cancer treatment.
Then there is exercise. Yes, it was mentiuoned, but not highlighted, and the importance of regular daily 30-40 minute strenuous exercise cannot be over-rated (mind you, that applies even if you are in good health).
The right attitude? Does that help? Absolutely. Not easy when you're having those 'dark days' following treatment, and when the effects of the chemo and radiation begin to kick in. But its by keeping doing what you do, maintaining a schedule and accomplishing tasks, no matter how small, that give you a sense of purpose and give you a reason to keep going.
Then there's prayer. Its amazing how even non-believers turn to prayer when they're fighting cancer. Maybe the old saying is true - there are no atheists in foxholes.
As a Christian, I cannot even begin to tell you what a comfiort and blessing it has been to have a God to turn to that I know hears and answers prayer, and as important, to have friends and family praying for me. It helps strengthens their faith, it gives me hope and peace i would not have otherwise, and it helps us look beyond ourselves and see a bigger picture, a higher purpose. After all, life isn't all about us.
So thanks, Listener. I wish the whole story could have been told, but hey, its a start, and for that I am grateful. Lets keep on fighting the good fight together.

THE LONGEST EVENT...

What a great Olympics! When the dust has settled we can look back on our Kiwi team with a great deal of pride. As we reflect on the 13 medals, 5 of them gold, plus all the joy of the medal winners, the heartbreak of those who came so close, the satisfaction of the PBs achieved, consider the monumental effort that every one of the team put into their training, preparation, and the burning desire they had to achieve victory. No overnight success stories here, just a result of hard graft, years of committment and hanging tough when they must have wondered if it was all worth the effort.
So what sport takes out the endurance medal.? What event takes the longest to compete at the games and the most time? The answer might surprise you. Yachting. Yep, it took Ben Ainslie (and our own super golden girls!) 6 days on the water, and up to 11 hours of competition to win their event. Not everything went to plan every day. Some days were disastrous, but most were pretty good. Some days they won, but not every day. It was consistency and sticking to the plan and believing in themselves that brought them the final victory.

I feel a bit like that with the cancer sometimes. Good days, mediocre days, some entirely forgettable days. But by ignoring the frustration and hangover of the effects of the chemo (even after 8 months!)  my 'longest event' is made tolerable because I know, in the end, I'll finish the race. and when you have cancer, anyone who finishes the race is a victor in my book. It will take a while - years in fact - but by sticking to the plan, refining our 'training programme' and hanging tough even when it all seems too much, we'll make it.
So dont just be a bored spectator, be an active supporter - not just of me, but of anyone going through challenging or life changing health problems. You'll be blessed, and the person you encourage/pray for/help  will be equally blessed.
Their victory will take longer than 6 days, or 11 hours of competition, but with you on their team, victory will be all the sweeter, and the medal belongs to us all. After all, anything worthwhile in life ios only achieved through a little hard graft.
Off to Oz this week, then back into Christmas Hornsbnoggle Ferret mode. He's been a great distraction!

Thanks no 3...

Crouch, touch, pause...no, its not a tedious scrum, just where i am now after the latest xray result. A state of pause, wait, hold - i'll know when to 'engage' after my next visit to the oncologist early Sept. So no major changes, no increases, no reductions, just same old same old - so i'm thankful for that! Quite happy to stay on 'pause' for the time being!

The friends i need to thanks are too numreous to mention, but lets make a start. The Home Group from my old church at Long Bay, who have beena source of knowledge and inspiration. Being with these folk remind you of what heaven will be like when we finally get there. My current Home Group at Shore, hanging in there with me faithfully month after month, through good times and bad.
The pastoral team and elders, past and present, at Shore CC, who never fail to pray for me despite the numerous other people and duties they have to contend with. Thomas Chin and Jim Davis, the two 'supplement geniuses' without whose help and guidance i wouldn't have made it thus far.

Fellow sufferers Glen Lawton and Des Jack for their phone calls and encouragement. Friends like Trish Williams, Mike Pinkney, John Russell, Ted Owens, Allan Macgregor, David Auld, John Stringer, Judy and John Burton, the Macleods, Viv Laurie, Jim and Lois Patrick, Brian Carr, (plus many others who I will no doubt remember as soon as I publish this post!) who are a constant source of support and encouragement.
Our Tuesday am MM group who keep me focused, grounded in reality  and accountable.
 A special mention to Frank who was a a huge help in my earlier 'coming to terms with cancer ' days, who has since passsed away with cancer. Theres a dark irony in there somewhere!

You cant have cancer and be an island. Its just not possible. You either need help, or you  need to be there to give help. Its what keeps you grounded, gives you meaning, and helps you look for the silver lining, even on the darkest of days.
Probably a lot more folk on the thank list - but thats a start. We'll dig deeper into the memories of the past 18 months and come up with more before the next blog.
Till then, keep smiling. keep praying, and live every day to the max. I'm not out of tne woods, but then, neither are you.

Thanks no 2

Then theres the wider family - the 2 bros, sister, sisters in law, nephews and nieces, and a smattering of cousins - all those who make up the greater whanau. Too many to name names, but how appreciative I am of their love, support and encouragement. Even the 'Oz connection' has been great, regularly phoning and keeping in contact, checking on progress and updates. A big 'thankyou' to all of you, you're never taken for granted, and its great to be reminded of the family bonds which still run deep.

I've really started someting here - the more I reflect on the journey so far, the more I am aware of the number of people I am indebted to, those who have made a real impact on my life. So i'll do my best to keep it real, keep it honest, keep it brief. Getting over a nasty cold right now (blame the Hamilton weather) but with an immune system like mine, you cant be too safe. So I'm hunkering down till its run its course. Bless you all - 4 weeks to go to the next xray!

Thankyou no. 1

You know the old saying - we HAVE our family but we choose our friends. Well, if I had the choice, the family I have is just the one I'd choose. Breaking the news 16 months ago to Fay and the children was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and since that time their love, support and encouragement has been more than I could have ever hoped for. And of course, with all the children now married, that extends to the wife/husbands of the children as well. I've heard of similar situations where family members have lost the plot, and been quite dismissive of the cancer sufferer. Not so with my clan - and i have been truly blessed by their love, care and attention, even though they all have a host of other responsibilities and  busy lives of their own.So THANKS to Fay and the family, and to God for giving them the patience and growing their character as they learn to cope with a husband and dad who has given them plenty of heartache and anxious moments.
More thanks on the way - stay with me!

see the big picture...

Sometimes, when you look out your window in the morning, you know its not going to be a great day. Grey, misty, overcast, threatening - all the signs for a day that doesnt hold much promise. But as the morning wears on, someting happens. The mist clears, the clouds lift, the sun peeks out, temperatures rise - and you know its going to be a good day after all. Not great - the cloud occasionally pays an unwelcome visit, theres a bit of a breeze, but certainly a whole lot better than you'd been expecting.
Thats a bit like the scan results than came through today. Still a few minuses, but they are outweighed by the pluses. so we live to fight another day. And what more can we ask for?
The tumors in the 'lower half' have all decreased, some to the point of being almost non existent, which is of course great news. The tumors in the lung, however, are more stubborn, some having increased in size and there are more of them. but they are still small and sparse enough not to be of any real concvern YET. What the future holds is anybodys guess, but thats in Gods hands, so we'll leave it to Him, with a little help from a more targetted diet and supplement regime.
The oncologist was in no hurry to start me on another round of chemo, which was just as well, as I had no intention of doing so anyway. There will be an x-ray (not scan) in 6 weeks, followed by another assessment and treatment programme. So we all breath a big sigh of relief, give praise to God, and box on.

I have been put on to a great book that comes with a supporting DVD, 'Curing Cancer with Commonsense' by Marcus Freudenmann. Like most alternative recommendations, you learn to pick the eyes out of it, discard that which you dont consider helpful, and apply that which does. This book has been a huge help. and shows (yet again) how prevention is so much more desirable than trying to cure the disease after you get it. I'm also very aware that on the 'healing journey' so far I've been blessed by so many people who have come across my path at just the right time, far too often for it to have been a mere coincidence.

So in future blogs I'm going to attempt (note the attempt!) to thanks those who have been 'angels in disguise' and whose combined advise and help has brought me to where I am today. Remember, in Jan last year I was given maximum 18 months to live,so all these people have been instrumental in my 'beating the odds'. This is a risky exercise, for I'm bound to leave some people out, but bear with me and I'll give it my best shot. All the cliches come to mind - no man is an island, we're all there to help each other, etc etc, but without the help from all these dear people I doubt I would have made it this far.
Have a great day, and keep reaching out to people - you may never know how much they need it.

Its all downhill...
Suddenly, D-Day is only  2 weeks away. Thats when i'll be advising the oncologist that i wont be proceeding with any more chemo - at least not for now. The result of the scan? We're in Gods hands for that.
The book and DVD Cancer is Curable Now! has been a revelation - so much sheer common sense, good advise and documented evidence of the power of the body to heal itself IF we do our bit with the right diet, supplements lifestyle and attitude. i now know that the old 'cut, burn and poison' treatments offered by the medical establishment, while they have their place in the treatment of certain cancers (i'm keeping my options open here!) are certainly not the answer for those who want to see the cancer gone from their body long-term without the ghastly and sometimes permenant side effects, so we're facing the future with hope, with dignity, and with a great deal more knowledge than we had 16 months ago. Hang in there with us, as together we fight the good fight.
Its been a busy month with family moving to Hamilton, kids birthdays, a Toy Fair where we displayed our Hornsnoggle book and soft toy (great fun!) - also conveniently in Hamilton. June sees us off to Wanaka for a weeks break - being a warm blooded Jafa we might need the thermals for this holiday.
Thanks for reading - hope we're not boring you to tears. The journey continues, and you are a key part of it!

What happens on May 28?
well, that will probably be the date of the next scan. Very quick, i know, but the oncologist is very keen that I start on the next round of chemo very soon after that. The last week has seen me doing a LOT of research, more than normally, so the bad news for him is that I probably WONT be going ahead with any more chemo!
The new chemo, Irinotecan, is even more potent than the last round, Oxipalatin, and heavens knows that was bad enough. The side effects of this one are almost guaranteed - nausea, ulcers, hair loss, diorrehea (for which i will almost certainly need hospitalisation every few days in the two weekly cycle.) But even worse, and the decider for me, is that the immune system gets hammered, almost to the point where the white blood cells can no longer do their job of protecting the body against disease or any infection. So i ask myself, whats the point of having a few months longer (so they say,) but having a totally crap quality of life, when i could be living comparatively normally, (possibly for a shorter time) save for the lingering effects of the previous chemo!
So in the course of my reasearch, and due to the timely email help from Joanne Chee (thanks Joanne) i am embarking on my own 'healing regime' - courtesy of Marcus Freudenmann, through his remarkable book and DVD, called Cancer is Curable Now! This means stepping up my diet quality -it has slipped a bit over the last few months- doing some intentional exercise, and maintaining and increasing my supplement regime, not a cheap exercise, but very necessary if we are to thwart the growth of any new tumors.
So there you have it - everything has and will be put on the back burner for the next five weeks as i do what i must, and hopefully get a positive response to the next scan. Even if its not, I doubt i'll be going back on the chemo treadmill, but lets cross that bridge when we come to it.
Trouble is, its a bridge that leads to even more unknowns, and a pretty rough journey.

Spare a thought for Fay as we live through this., Its proving to be bas tough a journey for her as it is for me, and we both need an extra dose of prayer and support as we face this together. We need the peace of knowing what we are doing is not only the right thing for my long term health, but that God is in this with us, walking with us and giving us the wisdom to make the right decisions.
Its scary, its daunting,  its exciting, its a test of faith and our willingness to change. In other words, its life in a nutshell. No one said we'd have all the answers, but thankfully we can put our trust in the One who does.
More to follow...  

6 WEEKS - and then?

Its hard to believe I've not posted anything since March - a lot has happened on the 'family front' since. The last scan was one of these 'good news bad news' scenarios, good news being that most of the tumors have continued to decrease in size, if only marginally. The bad news is that one in the lung (of all places) has increased quite significantly, and they see this as a precursor that the others will stop their decrease and begin to increase in size again, possibly rapidly. How they determine this i'll never know, but i guess they've seen a lot more case histories than i have.
The specialist was keen to start the next round of chemo as soon as possible. We decided to have a 6 week break (with his reluctant blessing) as the next round means a lot stronger dose, with side effects that are horrendous, and almost certainly inevitable. You might be just about to have your lunch(?) so i wont give you the graphic details, other than to say i would be spending a lot more time in hospital while they counteract the debilitataing side effects, and keep my immune system from collapsing. Even then, they admit this is only buying me time, the tumors will inevitably grow back again, into a more resisitant strain, calling for a stronger dose (brand?) of chemo, followed by even more disastrous side effects.
So there you have it - in six weeks we will have to make the decision. I think in my heart i already have, but i am going to be giving the diet and supplements a big 'fine-tune' and see if we can surprise the hell out of them come the next scan. Forgive me if i'm not my usual positive self, but the consequences looking forward are, in human terms, pretty bleak.
We'll continue to live one day at a time, we'll continue to live by faith, we'll continue to pray and seek spiritual guidance and wisdom, we'll continue to share our lives as openly as possible and enjoy the company of friends and family, without whom our lives would be so much poorer. I have to keep reminding myself of the grade 4 diagnosis in Jan last year, where I was told 12 to 18 months was all I should expect. I look back at the journey so far, and its been quite a ride, a huge learning curve in all sorts of areas, (from cancer treaments to childrens book publishing!) as well as a wonderful time of bonding with a growing and supportive family. Not forgetting the opportunities I've had to serve in all sorts of areas at church and the wider community.
So hang in there with me. We're not giving up, we'll continue to fight the good fight, and you're a crucial part of it! Keep praying for a miracle, for wisdom and discernment, for Fay and the family as they process all this new information, and for everyone who is going through tough personal times and life threatening health issues.
Isn't it great to know, and have the assurance that we are not alone?

the ides of March

what do Cantabrians have in common with a long-term cancer sufferer? Answer -they both slip off the radar real quick! Its been over a year now since Christchurtch had its devastating shake, with a lot more following, and its been over a year since i got the life-changing news about the Big C. whether we like it or not, time dulls the memories of any event, and while many Cantabrians are still picking up the pieces and trying hard to move on, the rest of the country HAS moved on. Other major news events have come and gone, and we forget the hardships that are still being felt by so many people in Chch. So with cancer - i still get the perfunctory call every so often, and even an email or txt. But its hard not to get the feeling that i shouldn't have hung around for this long - was it just a false alam in the first place, and oh, it cant have been all that serious old chap. I mean, you're still looking good, you're still functioning - i'll definitety move you lower down the pecking order in my prayer list.
First i apologise for not keeping the blog up to date - i'll definitely try harder on this front. Facebook has taken over as the main 'communication tool' for the news etc. Second - its BECAUSE of all your diligent and consistent prayer i am feeling as good as i am - that and the 'new diet', the supplement regime, the can-do attitude, so please - dont give up on me. Look on me as a work in porogress, and THANK GOD that he is answering your prayer. It he wasnt, i wouldn't be feeling as good as i am.

Still not out of the woods, still suffering  from the after effects of the chemo, which i have been told could take weeks, months, or longer! to finally dissapate out of the system. sore, numb hands, feet and mouth probably the worst of he effects, as well as constant fatigue (not helped by really old, as i was reminded this morning at church by my class of boys!) So take a big breath, and keep up the good work, and spare a thought and the occasional prayer that there is no big flare up of new tumors in the system (it is a frequent occurence apparently with my kind ond stage of cancer) and the tumors keep shrinking and DONT find a new foothold where they can regenerate. at the same time, pray for those Cantabs who are still not out of the woods, still suffering financially and emotionally, and are looking at a bleak year ahead.
Life goes on - and on and on. - May it be so for all of us, and may we make the most of the days we have and the opportunties we are given. You're all a blessing to someone - whether you know it or not.

One year down...

Blame facebook, blame my laziness, blame anything you like - no excuses for not keeping the blog up to date. 15 Jan marked the one year anniversary of my 'cancer news', when I was given 12-18 months and advised to 'get my affairs in order' so its been quite a year. Everything has changed, but then, you already know that. The GOOD NEWS is that the latest scan (results came back Friday -yesterday) shows a significant reduction in tumor size in all tumors, in the lymph nodes, lungs and liver. Someting to be thankful for and praise God for! Still not out of the woods by any means, but it shows the combo of chemo, supplements, improved diet and consistent and prayerful support from people like you are having the desired effect. So thank you all!
Back on the chemo pill regime, no intravenous (thankfully) for a few months, and more tests and scan in another 2-3 months. Life goes on. I'll keep fighting, we'll all  keep praying, and who knows? We just might lick this thing after all. Have a great weekend!