There can be no more beautiful, peaceful place in the country to be writing this - in a cafe overlooking lake Wanaka. Perhaps this is where he new heaven and the new earth will be when Christ returns!
Interesting week - picked up Patricks car on Monday, spent 3 days in Hamilton looking after the kids while Mike and Gina attended a conference in Melbourne. Then on to Wellington,(via Fielding, town of my birth 66 years ago) one night in Petone, great trip on the Ferry, even better trip down the Kaikoura coast to Chch, late arr and early departure from our understanding hosts, quick trip to Wanaka via Fairlie, Tekapo and the Lindis Pass. Whew! I get tired now even thinking about it.
All the while controlling as best as possible my supplements, diet, pain killers etc which now includes morphine - yep, I'm on the heavy stuff now, and juggling all the side effects which, while unpleasant, are nothing compared to what i would be going through had i chosen the chemo option.
Delivering a car was not the only reason to come to Wanaka. I wanted to ask Jim, an old and dear friend to take my funeral. Sounds a bit macabre, I know that, but I'm aware that every day now is a gift, and i wanted to have some input, however meager, into the day when people gather to celebrate (i hope!) my all-too short but incredibly blessed life, be it in days, week, months. So its been a cathartic few days as we've laughed, cried, planned, reminisced, and started the 'who does what' funeral list.
No, I'm not throwing in the towel. The fight goes on, and will do so until the very end, But a reality check like this does focus the mind, the heart and the spirit, and has drawn me yet again closer to God, and His amazing love for us and the grace He gives so generously to all those who ask.
More to follow - you'll have plenty of warning before the blogs stop. Continue to hang in there with me, and never think you are taken for granted. You are part of the front line!
Monday, April 29, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
800 days
Well, its 810 actually, but 800 makes for a better headline. Yes, 810 days since i was diagnosed with the Big C grade 4 and told I had better get get my affairs in order. Something i still havent done!
Today, April 10 is when the maybes became reality. A hour visit with a no-holds barrred oncologist at Auckland Hospital laid it on the line. I saw the xray of the latest lung scan and it confirmed what i already suspected and had been dreading - massive spread of tumors through both lungs and, judging by the pain in the upper body, obvious spread of the tumors to the ribs.
The chemo options were carefully laid out and explained in detail, as well as the multiple unpleasant side effects, the 40% at best success rate - success being destroying most of the lung tumors and waiting for the inevitable re-growth, which may occur in other areas as well as the lungs, after which more chemo is not an option. i might even get an extra 6 months or year, but the quality of that time will be rubbish.
That or up the ante on my own personal health program and go for broke on a revolutionary diet and supplement plan that will be challenging, call for incredible sacrifice and discipline, and have no guarantee of success either. But at least i have some degree of control, rather than depending on a regime of non selective chemo.
So its decision time. No time to waste time. Choosing how long to live time. Very melodramatic.
And at the center of any decision I make stands Jesus, the One who ultimately controls our lives and reminds us that He, not us, is making the big calls and reminding us the He ultimately is in control.
We're in for a rough few months, so hang in there with us. It can be a lonely journey, so knowing you're there makes it a little bit more bearable.
Keep the faith
Today, April 10 is when the maybes became reality. A hour visit with a no-holds barrred oncologist at Auckland Hospital laid it on the line. I saw the xray of the latest lung scan and it confirmed what i already suspected and had been dreading - massive spread of tumors through both lungs and, judging by the pain in the upper body, obvious spread of the tumors to the ribs.
The chemo options were carefully laid out and explained in detail, as well as the multiple unpleasant side effects, the 40% at best success rate - success being destroying most of the lung tumors and waiting for the inevitable re-growth, which may occur in other areas as well as the lungs, after which more chemo is not an option. i might even get an extra 6 months or year, but the quality of that time will be rubbish.
That or up the ante on my own personal health program and go for broke on a revolutionary diet and supplement plan that will be challenging, call for incredible sacrifice and discipline, and have no guarantee of success either. But at least i have some degree of control, rather than depending on a regime of non selective chemo.
So its decision time. No time to waste time. Choosing how long to live time. Very melodramatic.
And at the center of any decision I make stands Jesus, the One who ultimately controls our lives and reminds us that He, not us, is making the big calls and reminding us the He ultimately is in control.
We're in for a rough few months, so hang in there with us. It can be a lonely journey, so knowing you're there makes it a little bit more bearable.
Keep the faith
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