You don't know Max. I've been visiting Max for nearly a year now. Once a month, sometimes more often, certainly in the past few weeks. Max contacted us - he was about to be paroled from Paremoremo, and he was looking for someone, ideally from a church. to connect with to help him when he 'left the pen'. You see, he didn't want to go back to his old haunts, get in with the old crowd, because he knew that would only end one way - back to prison. He didn't want that.
So I called in to see him, a number of times. Went to the inmates 'family days' and witnessed the sad sight of the dysfunctional trying to help the criminal. Went to the parole hearings, where overworked and often disinterested judges ticked the boxes, or, in one case, were downright hostile. But most of all, I listened to Max's story. Depressingly familiar. Son of a low socio family in heartland NZ, alcoholic father who was rarely there, and when he was, made life hell for the family. A mum who drifted from man to man, all of them leeches who certainly didn't want her kids around. Max dropped out of school, got in with the wrong crowd (surprise, surprise) and became a victim of the most common, most available, socially acceptable drug - alcohol.
For 8 years, from the age of 19, he was in and out out prison for a variety of low level convictions. Burglary, car conversion, receiving - you name it. Then one night, after a bender and totally drunk, he sexually assaulted a young girl. It was admittedly low-level, but in the eyes of the law, serious enough for a 4 year sentence.
During his time in prison, Max had time to relfect on his life, and, with the help of some excellent counsellors
made some hard calls. He was going to give up drinking (for good), he was not going back to his 'old crowd' and he desperately wanted a second chance to redeem himself and become in his words, someone who 'earned respect, man'.
So he made a brave call. He contacted a church in the area, Our church. I picked it up by default, and began to visit him. What a combo! A senior, middle class white guy who seen most of his best days (and making the most of the days he has!) and a nervous 30 year old going on 19, severely lacking in social skills, yet yearning for someone to reach out and help. I was struck with his positive attitude, his naive enthusiasm, and his willingness to let others into his life who could make a positive contribution. He showed hidden talents - his building skill and home mechanics were well above average, and he was breaking out of his skin to get a job, work hard and make an honest days living.
Max was paroled in early August. Hes now living in the city, close to every temptation you could possible imagine. His parole officer has already changed 3 times - they're typically overworked and only interested in ticking the boxes (or as Max would say, covering their butts). Max has had visits, and has been to visit, members of the family, but is aware of the gulf that now exits between his old life, and what he wants his life to be. We're trying hard to find him a new place to live, find him a job, integrate him with people who care, rather than those who will take advantage of him, and lead him back into the comfort of what he was familiar with. Hes even had the courage to go to a local city church, where he really enjoyed the music and 'felt good' - hes quite a dab hand on the guitar as well! But very few folk talked to him, or made him feel welcome.
All he wants is people to give him a hand up, not a hand out. Guys who will give him a call, take him out for a meal, a coffee, a chat. Maybe a drive around the city. Some advice on budgetting, planning for the future. Guys he can depend on. There are no brownie points here, no gold stars, no thanks from the authorities. Indeed, people may even wonder what on earth you're doing. helping a low-life like that.
Its called second chances, and everyone deserves one.
Even Max. Especially Max.
Churches are great at mission statements, prayer meetings and worship. But when it comes to walking the walk, sometimes we're seriously found wanting. Things that extend us, take us out of our comfort zone, call for a commitment of our time (and money) we dismiss and, like the Levite, cross to the other side of the road. Its not our business!
Well, actually it is. Matthew 25, v35-40 reminds us of that. I'd love your help.And Max would REALLY love your friendship. You don't need a counselling or theological degree. Just a heart, and the ability to listen. And guess what? You'll be blessed as well, knowing youre making a difference.
(Max is not his real name - I've change it to preserve his privacy.)
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Opportunites.
Last week - another xray, scan and a steady as she goes result. they detected slight (very slight) increases in the tumors in the lungs, although i personally didnt spot them (but then, i'm just the patient!)
While this is not the result i wanted, the oncologist wasn't perturbed, and was more interested in how i feel, and how I'm coping. To be frank, it hadnt' been the best week, but he was very happy with progress, although he did mention the 'c' word again as being a possibility in the future. Not if i can help it!
So the next appointment is now not till early November!! Great news!
I'll let you know when.
Tomorrow i see two cancer patients. No names at this stage to repect their privacy. One has been referred by the Listener as a result of the article that appeared a couple of weeks ago on Food and Cancer. Jenny Bowden did a great job with the article, and the photographer was very flattering with the photo! (so i've been told!)
The guy is a grade 3 cancer patient, and is very nervous about upcoming treatment, so i'll be happy to give him a few pointers.
Another woman has been referred by Dave, my contact for Salvestrol, and she has a grade 4 cancer very similar to what i have. Scary close! So I've arranged to meet her and her husband and tell her about my 'journey' and put her mind at rest, and give her all the options that she won't hear from her oncologist.
All pro bono of course! Hardly helps put food on the table, but if we can help save or prolong a life, that is sufficient reward.
Life keeps going, busy as ever with Hornsnoggle Ferret, granchildren, household chores, exercise (all too little) and a myriad of church stuff which I wont bore you with. So our journey continues. You're a part of it, so keep asking, keep healthy, keep active, keep praying. Who s it that said 'you can complain about the rainclouds in your life, or you can dance in the puddles' Over to you.
While this is not the result i wanted, the oncologist wasn't perturbed, and was more interested in how i feel, and how I'm coping. To be frank, it hadnt' been the best week, but he was very happy with progress, although he did mention the 'c' word again as being a possibility in the future. Not if i can help it!
So the next appointment is now not till early November!! Great news!
I'll let you know when.
Tomorrow i see two cancer patients. No names at this stage to repect their privacy. One has been referred by the Listener as a result of the article that appeared a couple of weeks ago on Food and Cancer. Jenny Bowden did a great job with the article, and the photographer was very flattering with the photo! (so i've been told!)
The guy is a grade 3 cancer patient, and is very nervous about upcoming treatment, so i'll be happy to give him a few pointers.
Another woman has been referred by Dave, my contact for Salvestrol, and she has a grade 4 cancer very similar to what i have. Scary close! So I've arranged to meet her and her husband and tell her about my 'journey' and put her mind at rest, and give her all the options that she won't hear from her oncologist.
All pro bono of course! Hardly helps put food on the table, but if we can help save or prolong a life, that is sufficient reward.
Life keeps going, busy as ever with Hornsnoggle Ferret, granchildren, household chores, exercise (all too little) and a myriad of church stuff which I wont bore you with. So our journey continues. You're a part of it, so keep asking, keep healthy, keep active, keep praying. Who s it that said 'you can complain about the rainclouds in your life, or you can dance in the puddles' Over to you.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
What the Listener DIDN'T say...
The Listener issue 1 Sept (with special thanks to Jenny Bowden) ran an article on Fighting cancer with Food.
Great article (but then I have a vested interest!), but what was left unsaid is probably just as important as what was said. Jenny was right - and she had the stats from the various cancer research groups to back her up- the right diet can make a real difference both in the prevention and the fighting of cancer. But its not the whole story. After what I've experienced, you need more than just a good, healthy diet. The 'extras' like lemon, lemongrass tea, fruit and veg juice drinks, are important, The supplements I take, the MAX range and Salvestrols, have played a huge role in fighting the effects of the chemo while helping build up the immune system - vitally important if you are undergoing medical cancer treatment.
Then there is exercise. Yes, it was mentiuoned, but not highlighted, and the importance of regular daily 30-40 minute strenuous exercise cannot be over-rated (mind you, that applies even if you are in good health).
The right attitude? Does that help? Absolutely. Not easy when you're having those 'dark days' following treatment, and when the effects of the chemo and radiation begin to kick in. But its by keeping doing what you do, maintaining a schedule and accomplishing tasks, no matter how small, that give you a sense of purpose and give you a reason to keep going.
Then there's prayer. Its amazing how even non-believers turn to prayer when they're fighting cancer. Maybe the old saying is true - there are no atheists in foxholes.
As a Christian, I cannot even begin to tell you what a comfiort and blessing it has been to have a God to turn to that I know hears and answers prayer, and as important, to have friends and family praying for me. It helps strengthens their faith, it gives me hope and peace i would not have otherwise, and it helps us look beyond ourselves and see a bigger picture, a higher purpose. After all, life isn't all about us.
So thanks, Listener. I wish the whole story could have been told, but hey, its a start, and for that I am grateful. Lets keep on fighting the good fight together.
Great article (but then I have a vested interest!), but what was left unsaid is probably just as important as what was said. Jenny was right - and she had the stats from the various cancer research groups to back her up- the right diet can make a real difference both in the prevention and the fighting of cancer. But its not the whole story. After what I've experienced, you need more than just a good, healthy diet. The 'extras' like lemon, lemongrass tea, fruit and veg juice drinks, are important, The supplements I take, the MAX range and Salvestrols, have played a huge role in fighting the effects of the chemo while helping build up the immune system - vitally important if you are undergoing medical cancer treatment.
Then there is exercise. Yes, it was mentiuoned, but not highlighted, and the importance of regular daily 30-40 minute strenuous exercise cannot be over-rated (mind you, that applies even if you are in good health).
The right attitude? Does that help? Absolutely. Not easy when you're having those 'dark days' following treatment, and when the effects of the chemo and radiation begin to kick in. But its by keeping doing what you do, maintaining a schedule and accomplishing tasks, no matter how small, that give you a sense of purpose and give you a reason to keep going.
Then there's prayer. Its amazing how even non-believers turn to prayer when they're fighting cancer. Maybe the old saying is true - there are no atheists in foxholes.
As a Christian, I cannot even begin to tell you what a comfiort and blessing it has been to have a God to turn to that I know hears and answers prayer, and as important, to have friends and family praying for me. It helps strengthens their faith, it gives me hope and peace i would not have otherwise, and it helps us look beyond ourselves and see a bigger picture, a higher purpose. After all, life isn't all about us.
So thanks, Listener. I wish the whole story could have been told, but hey, its a start, and for that I am grateful. Lets keep on fighting the good fight together.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
THE LONGEST EVENT...
What a great Olympics! When the dust has settled we can look back on our Kiwi team with a great deal of pride. As we reflect on the 13 medals, 5 of them gold, plus all the joy of the medal winners, the heartbreak of those who came so close, the satisfaction of the PBs achieved, consider the monumental effort that every one of the team put into their training, preparation, and the burning desire they had to achieve victory. No overnight success stories here, just a result of hard graft, years of committment and hanging tough when they must have wondered if it was all worth the effort.
So what sport takes out the endurance medal.? What event takes the longest to compete at the games and the most time? The answer might surprise you. Yachting. Yep, it took Ben Ainslie (and our own super golden girls!) 6 days on the water, and up to 11 hours of competition to win their event. Not everything went to plan every day. Some days were disastrous, but most were pretty good. Some days they won, but not every day. It was consistency and sticking to the plan and believing in themselves that brought them the final victory.
I feel a bit like that with the cancer sometimes. Good days, mediocre days, some entirely forgettable days. But by ignoring the frustration and hangover of the effects of the chemo (even after 8 months!) my 'longest event' is made tolerable because I know, in the end, I'll finish the race. and when you have cancer, anyone who finishes the race is a victor in my book. It will take a while - years in fact - but by sticking to the plan, refining our 'training programme' and hanging tough even when it all seems too much, we'll make it.
So dont just be a bored spectator, be an active supporter - not just of me, but of anyone going through challenging or life changing health problems. You'll be blessed, and the person you encourage/pray for/help will be equally blessed.
Their victory will take longer than 6 days, or 11 hours of competition, but with you on their team, victory will be all the sweeter, and the medal belongs to us all. After all, anything worthwhile in life ios only achieved through a little hard graft.
Off to Oz this week, then back into Christmas Hornsbnoggle Ferret mode. He's been a great distraction!
So what sport takes out the endurance medal.? What event takes the longest to compete at the games and the most time? The answer might surprise you. Yachting. Yep, it took Ben Ainslie (and our own super golden girls!) 6 days on the water, and up to 11 hours of competition to win their event. Not everything went to plan every day. Some days were disastrous, but most were pretty good. Some days they won, but not every day. It was consistency and sticking to the plan and believing in themselves that brought them the final victory.
I feel a bit like that with the cancer sometimes. Good days, mediocre days, some entirely forgettable days. But by ignoring the frustration and hangover of the effects of the chemo (even after 8 months!) my 'longest event' is made tolerable because I know, in the end, I'll finish the race. and when you have cancer, anyone who finishes the race is a victor in my book. It will take a while - years in fact - but by sticking to the plan, refining our 'training programme' and hanging tough even when it all seems too much, we'll make it.
So dont just be a bored spectator, be an active supporter - not just of me, but of anyone going through challenging or life changing health problems. You'll be blessed, and the person you encourage/pray for/help will be equally blessed.
Their victory will take longer than 6 days, or 11 hours of competition, but with you on their team, victory will be all the sweeter, and the medal belongs to us all. After all, anything worthwhile in life ios only achieved through a little hard graft.
Off to Oz this week, then back into Christmas Hornsbnoggle Ferret mode. He's been a great distraction!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Thanks no 3...
Crouch, touch, pause...no, its not a tedious scrum, just where i am now after the latest xray result. A state of pause, wait, hold - i'll know when to 'engage' after my next visit to the oncologist early Sept. So no major changes, no increases, no reductions, just same old same old - so i'm thankful for that! Quite happy to stay on 'pause' for the time being!
The friends i need to thanks are too numreous to mention, but lets make a start. The Home Group from my old church at Long Bay, who have beena source of knowledge and inspiration. Being with these folk remind you of what heaven will be like when we finally get there. My current Home Group at Shore, hanging in there with me faithfully month after month, through good times and bad.
The pastoral team and elders, past and present, at Shore CC, who never fail to pray for me despite the numerous other people and duties they have to contend with. Thomas Chin and Jim Davis, the two 'supplement geniuses' without whose help and guidance i wouldn't have made it thus far.
Fellow sufferers Glen Lawton and Des Jack for their phone calls and encouragement. Friends like Trish Williams, Mike Pinkney, John Russell, Ted Owens, Allan Macgregor, David Auld, John Stringer, Judy and John Burton, the Macleods, Viv Laurie, Jim and Lois Patrick, Brian Carr, (plus many others who I will no doubt remember as soon as I publish this post!) who are a constant source of support and encouragement.
Our Tuesday am MM group who keep me focused, grounded in reality and accountable.
A special mention to Frank who was a a huge help in my earlier 'coming to terms with cancer ' days, who has since passsed away with cancer. Theres a dark irony in there somewhere!
You cant have cancer and be an island. Its just not possible. You either need help, or you need to be there to give help. Its what keeps you grounded, gives you meaning, and helps you look for the silver lining, even on the darkest of days.
Probably a lot more folk on the thank list - but thats a start. We'll dig deeper into the memories of the past 18 months and come up with more before the next blog.
Till then, keep smiling. keep praying, and live every day to the max. I'm not out of tne woods, but then, neither are you.
The friends i need to thanks are too numreous to mention, but lets make a start. The Home Group from my old church at Long Bay, who have beena source of knowledge and inspiration. Being with these folk remind you of what heaven will be like when we finally get there. My current Home Group at Shore, hanging in there with me faithfully month after month, through good times and bad.
The pastoral team and elders, past and present, at Shore CC, who never fail to pray for me despite the numerous other people and duties they have to contend with. Thomas Chin and Jim Davis, the two 'supplement geniuses' without whose help and guidance i wouldn't have made it thus far.
Fellow sufferers Glen Lawton and Des Jack for their phone calls and encouragement. Friends like Trish Williams, Mike Pinkney, John Russell, Ted Owens, Allan Macgregor, David Auld, John Stringer, Judy and John Burton, the Macleods, Viv Laurie, Jim and Lois Patrick, Brian Carr, (plus many others who I will no doubt remember as soon as I publish this post!) who are a constant source of support and encouragement.
Our Tuesday am MM group who keep me focused, grounded in reality and accountable.
A special mention to Frank who was a a huge help in my earlier 'coming to terms with cancer ' days, who has since passsed away with cancer. Theres a dark irony in there somewhere!
You cant have cancer and be an island. Its just not possible. You either need help, or you need to be there to give help. Its what keeps you grounded, gives you meaning, and helps you look for the silver lining, even on the darkest of days.
Probably a lot more folk on the thank list - but thats a start. We'll dig deeper into the memories of the past 18 months and come up with more before the next blog.
Till then, keep smiling. keep praying, and live every day to the max. I'm not out of tne woods, but then, neither are you.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thanks no 2
Then theres the wider family - the 2 bros, sister, sisters in law, nephews and nieces, and a smattering of cousins - all those who make up the greater whanau. Too many to name names, but how appreciative I am of their love, support and encouragement. Even the 'Oz connection' has been great, regularly phoning and keeping in contact, checking on progress and updates. A big 'thankyou' to all of you, you're never taken for granted, and its great to be reminded of the family bonds which still run deep.
I've really started someting here - the more I reflect on the journey so far, the more I am aware of the number of people I am indebted to, those who have made a real impact on my life. So i'll do my best to keep it real, keep it honest, keep it brief. Getting over a nasty cold right now (blame the Hamilton weather) but with an immune system like mine, you cant be too safe. So I'm hunkering down till its run its course. Bless you all - 4 weeks to go to the next xray!
I've really started someting here - the more I reflect on the journey so far, the more I am aware of the number of people I am indebted to, those who have made a real impact on my life. So i'll do my best to keep it real, keep it honest, keep it brief. Getting over a nasty cold right now (blame the Hamilton weather) but with an immune system like mine, you cant be too safe. So I'm hunkering down till its run its course. Bless you all - 4 weeks to go to the next xray!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Thankyou no. 1
You know the old saying - we HAVE our family but we choose our friends. Well, if I had the choice, the family I have is just the one I'd choose. Breaking the news 16 months ago to Fay and the children was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and since that time their love, support and encouragement has been more than I could have ever hoped for. And of course, with all the children now married, that extends to the wife/husbands of the children as well. I've heard of similar situations where family members have lost the plot, and been quite dismissive of the cancer sufferer. Not so with my clan - and i have been truly blessed by their love, care and attention, even though they all have a host of other responsibilities and busy lives of their own.So THANKS to Fay and the family, and to God for giving them the patience and growing their character as they learn to cope with a husband and dad who has given them plenty of heartache and anxious moments.
More thanks on the way - stay with me!
More thanks on the way - stay with me!
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